


The Mirror

by MyrJuhl



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Drama, First Time, Hints of Rocket Man rehearsals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:26:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4005814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrJuhl/pseuds/MyrJuhl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I went home with this guy I’d never met before. He was in town for a touchdown with his record label in London, and everything about him was what I liked in a potential friend. Charming, charismatic, you name it and he had it. He gave me all of his great smiles, sparkling eyes, dimples, and loads of funny stories to tell. In spite of the slight age difference, I felt I could spend hours in his company listening to what he had to say. I had experienced a lot of stuff in my days as well, but for once I didn’t feel the need to fill out the pauses with my own baggage.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** These events never happened. This fic is for entertainment purposes only, not profit. I, the author, make no claim through this work as to the fictitious characters/ actual lives/ preferences/ activities of the people mentioned herein.

I went home with this guy I’d never met before. He was in town for a touchdown with his record label in London, and everything about him was what I liked in a potential friend. Charming, charismatic, you name it and he had it. He gave me all of his great smiles, sparkling eyes, dimples, and loads of funny stories to tell. In spite of the slight age difference, I felt I could spend hours in his company listening to what he had to say. I had experienced a lot of stuff in my days as well, but for once I didn’t feel the need to fill out the pauses with my own baggage. 

During the evening I got to the point where everything was funny. I raved around on the sofa in hilarity, as if I had inhaled a bottle of whisky on my own, when in reality the only thing I had all evening was coffee. I was drunk on fun and adrenaline and for some reason I will never understand, I was so fucking horny it hurt. 

I fell on my back on his sofa laughing and then he was on top of me. We shared a few hesitant breaths trying to figure out what just changed between us. Slowly, he rubbed his crotch against mine and surprised I moaned. 

“If I fuck you, will you regret it?” he asked.

“I don't do guys,” I replied. Men as such have a tendency to make me want to balk out of a room. Their testosterone bullshit never fails to give me claustrophobia, except this bloke hadn’t triggered that compulsion in me even for a second since we stroke up a great conversation in the studio. 

I was aching with the need to come. “You don't fuck me and that’s it,” I heard myself say.

He moved back on his haunches and unzipped my pants.

I repeated what I’d just said, but he just looked at me with dark intense eyes and pulled them off along with my boxers. I didn't stop him. 

He took hold of my dick which erupted a chaos of conflicting feelings inside me. Human contact should never be underestimated no matter how clever you think you are on your own. Intellectually, I knew I didn’t want this to happen. I’d told him twice, but I was still there, on my back, and he’d taken off most of his own clothes. I explained to myself I was in a happy relationship. I am in a happy relationship, and wanted to stay in that happy relationship. But the guy had my dick lodged down his throat, was clever with his fingers, and everything that could possibly feel good was happening down there. 

My body didn’t give a shit about what my brain told it to. 

It just came. 

For ages... 

When I was back to my senses he was hovering above me. Touching my tingling skin with his capable hands.

And then he stuck his cock inside me and I pulled his neck down to me. I couldn't believe the sounds that came from me when I kissed him. I thought perhaps I ate his lips, but he bit me back just as hungrily.

What a mess.

What a fucking... mess.

We turned 90 degrees and now I was sitting astride of him, rocking and riding him like he was a carnival horse. His eyes were my only focus in the carnal madness I was sucked into. I was so high on endorphins and so wound up I was going to snap any second.

I’d never felt fired up that way before and the sad thing was I’d never feel like this again. I was mad at me, pissed off at him for subjecting me to this. I’d put all my nasty selfish vices behind me. I’d struggled to get to the point where I could go through the day not thinking about it anymore. This – the things we were doing to each other – I could get addicted of all over again.

Angrily, I rode him harder and he looked like nirvana was approaching. “I’m never gonna forgive you that you did this to me,” I hissed.

He didn’t answer, just looked so gorgeously back at me I had to kiss him again.

Cumming with a human pulsing dick up your arse is close to impossible to process. It just happens in your brain and every other thought is vacuumed out of every other senses. 

I was flying. I was imploding. Electrifying sensation was coursing up and down my skin and I wanted to feel it all over again the second he collapsed between my thighs.

That didn’t prevent me from feeling disgusted once the passion had died away. He reached up and touched my chest, the moist hairs stood up when his fingers passed through them.

“I wanted to do this from the first time I saw you,” he said.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked. “How awkward this evening must have been for you then?”

“No. It was worth the chase.”

I pushed myself from him by pressing my hand to his chest. I saw my wedding ring catch the light from some lamp. I got up on shaky legs. 

And so that was about the time when that dreaded inner conversation kicked in. The guilt toward your spouse. Technically, I hadn’t fucked another person. So would she consider that adultery when I’d been the bottom? Was that even more forgivable when it hadn’t been with a woman? Would she in fact forgive me if I told her what I’d done, and what would our marriage be like thereafter?

“Don't tell her,” he said, clearly reading my face like a book. “You’ll only unburden your own guilt. She won’t thank you for your consideration of telling her what you did.”

I looked at him like he had grown horns. In a sense he had. I’d just slept with the devil.

I hit him. 

We both stared at each other in disbelief. I had just hit another human being. That was uncalled for. I could have stopped any time I wanted... But the problem was I hadn’t wanted to stop. I’d been tricked by my own flesh.

I was shaking slightly. The adrenaline was wearing off but came back forcefully because now I was frightened like a little boy who couldn't make it on his own. 

“You did this to me,” I said.

He licked his bloodied lip and sat up. “Yes.”

“Why.”

He smiled. “How could I not? You’re charming, charismatic. You tick all my favourite categories.”

I had to swallow hard a few times to prevent bile from leaving my stomach. Was I watching my own image all this time? He was seeing the same things in me that I had in him – only I hadn’t known it was sexual until he flipped that switch in me.

“You’ll come back. I made sure it was that good for you.”

“What the bloody fuck are you saying?”

He twisted a bit to get to my pants where my phone was. He plotted in his number and put it back.

“Delete it,” I said.

“You delete it,” he replied and the smirk that blossomed on his face just made the violence inside me of the injustice flare up again.

My eyes darted to my phone and I picked it up. Going through my contacts I found him immediately. I opened his folder and my finger hesitated at the delete button. My eyes darted to him and he looked serene as he waited for my decision.

Gods, those eyes. I couldn’t. I was so fucking weak I disgusted myself.

“Doesn’t fucking mean I’m gonna call you. Ever,” was my pathetic bravado.

He just blinked and cocked his head. 

“So...” he said. “Goodnight then.”

I laughed dryly as I picked up my clothes and brought them with me to the bathroom. I cleaned up the best I could and put on my stuff. I still felt dirty and I stunk of his pheromones. 

Looking back at me still standing in the room when I came out, he took a step toward me. I shook my head and left his hotel.

I was never going to see him again. 

I walked faster. 

Would twice makes it worse if I was never going to tell her anyway? Would it really make a difference if I could loathe myself even more? It might even be easier...

I stopped and slowly turned to look back at the hotel.

 

End of tale 25. May 2015


End file.
